Reflections – Aaren my new novel
I know that reads silly. Its not like I’m performing for millions or hell even thousands. Is it? The more I write, the more unmasked I feel. I see myself in a characters actions, hear my voice in a characters speak. I always thought writing would be different. Why isn’t it that way now for me?
Then there is the ‘process’ that has me beat. Weeks and weeks of edits, re-edits, and edits again. Scene changes, scene upgrades, scene revamps have scrubbed Aaren raw and left me feeling more exposed than I ever did with Zoe. Now I have a big push to share it with others and I’m sitting her with shaky knees.
Like other artist in various mediums nothing is ever ‘right’, ‘perfect’ or even ‘truly acceptable’. To this day I can’t reread my first ‘Zoe’ for fear of catching errors that only I can see. *Double-sigh* The only thing I can compare this snowballing feel of the impending unknown to is stage fright.
Aaren was written four years ago. I think I wrote the entire story in three weeks. It wasn’t my favorite, or most popular web story. Yet for those that have read it, they can tell you it was the most memorable for reasons they never can clearly explain.
For me it was just a story that came to me in a dream. Back then my musing was all visual. I’d see and fall in love with a fictional character or couple on TV and then crusade through my writing to pair that couple in uniquely different circumstances. That was Aaren, and even now as I reread it’s pages I see what becomes of a dream.
So why was Aaren chosen next? Did I make the right choice out of the 100 plus stories I have penned to release this one into print?
To be honest it’s the journey I uncovered in Aaren that made her tale next choice for publishing. My written material as of late features Alpha men and complicated yet sweetly accepting heroines in love tangles that will keep you dizzy, Aaren’s story is a complex mix of none yet much more than the above. It’s honest, raw, innocent, burdened with so much inner conflict for her and her lover that it stands alone. I think it’s one of the most revealing stories I’ve ever done.
I wanted to tale a story of a cleansing. Prove to myself that I can write about not just love but why we love each other, why we fail we each other, why we all deserve second chances. All the why’s that sometimes are left out of books. I wanted to explore them.
Yes, that’s a little ambiguous, but it’s where I was when I chose it, and where I will be when I present it. My true dilemma is will my readers care? What will Aaren’s release do for or to me as I write to write, and yearn to learn?
I’m nervous, anxious, excited and dreading it’s reveal. I’m hopeful that there is enough story to make it worthy, but accepting if it’s not all I think it promises to be. All in all it’s my new baby. Who wants to hear that their new baby is ugly? Certainly not me.
Hmm….I’m a little scared of May 15th.